Damn Dogs...

{Orginally Posted on Blogger}

As I write this, we are in the midst of our first real snow fall. Sure we had "dustings" every now and then, but we now have some serious white stuff. Which brings me to my first story. I want to reiterate how fucking prissy my dogs are. Lets start with, "I Dont want to get my paws wet", Rocky. On a dry day, this dog with lolligag and frolic in the grass. He will take his sweet ass time and make a "signs" on the grass like you see in the Movies (The Mel Gibson flick if you are really slow). On a wet day, he will go fast. Piss and shit then run back in. On a Snowy day....This dog practically lets it all loose in record time. But what is unique about his snowtime walks is that he tipi toes...I did not know a dog could tipi toe...or tipi paw! Then he looks at me like "help, my paws!!!" That is how he walks in the snow.

The other dog, who is still a puppy, is Rusty. Fine this is his first real snowfall. Took him out. He did not want to move. Looked at me and said (in eaxct words) "I aint going in that shit" Then went limp on me. Now to give a brief desciption of what kind of house I live in, We have a set of two staircases that is connected by a small patio on front with an awning. So he pissed on the patio...so no yellow snow for him. So I got my wife to take some pictures of this. I threw him in the snow...(that is what I did with King Rocky)..he hates it. So of course he just sits there. No shit...Nothing! So we take him back in and take a guess what he did. I wont even say it...fucking dog.

Well, just when you think I can handle the noisy neighbors from upstairs...I get the ones downstairs...and Next door. Now the guy next door is cool. He plays his music a little too loud, but that is ok. He is the MAN, He can really nail his girl friend. All I can say is she came...enough said on that. Now lets talk about the Mecca people down stairs. What the fuck!!!! They must be fucking a camel or something. They are just as bad as the village upstairs. (I still think they are fucking the little guy up there). The other night must have been "Ghandi Night", because all I heard was just talking from alot of people. You know they cant whisper....1:00 am and they are yapping about rubbing the bhudda. My wife was pissed.

Since we are on the subject of my lovely wife, I want to commend her on getting another Univesity job. She is working for the African American Studies Dept (again). But this time it is a permanent position! Of course she still works at Layne Bryant which is cool. Which bring me to my story. Credit is a hard thing to aquire for me. I have been trying to build my credit for awhile. I have been turned down by the finest of establishments for credit. MasterCard laughs....Visa makes cruel jokes. But I was finally able to get a card!!!! Where you may ask? LAYNE BRYANT!!! My wife felt that I couild get credit where she could not. So I get to buy bras and panties on credit. WhoopDeeDoo! I dont know how I got this damn card, but I think the creditors of this world are probably laughing it up.

Birthday Bumps

{Originally Posted on Blogger}

November 1st!!! Wow, I cant really believe it. This year has gone slow for me with all this shit to do. Well I got up this morning, barely scratching my nuts, and I hear this noise. Drip. Drip. Drip. I go into that bathroom and the ceiling is leaking right into the tub!!! It is a minor leak so no big deal. My wife calls the landlord and tells him about how it is raining in the bathroom. So within 10 minutes he is at our apt. He looks at it and tells us that or upstairs neighbors never put the curtain in the shower when they use it....thus we get the after wash.

Now let me tell you about my neighbors. They are not from this country. I am thinking they are from India or somewhere in the Mesopotamian region. I know one of them from work. He is one of the computer techs. So ever since they moved in they have been mad loud. First, they kill my ceiling, walking like they are trying to kill fucking scorpions. I figured they walk hard because they are use to sand and they are now on wood floor. Second, I don't know what the fuck kind a music they listen to...but I swear there is some belly dancing going on up there. Thirdly, one of them laughs like a gypsy. They must have a genie in a lamp.

So the other night, they were just unbelievably loud. My wife is in bed, so I rush upstairs. I though there were 5 or 6 of them up there. So I knock and the kid I know opens the door. He greets me and I am like "what the fuck are u doing?". So he laughs and says..."have some cake!" I look around and there are only 3 of them. 3!!! all this time I am thinking they had a fucking village up there. So he tells me that it is his roommate's birthday and they were giving him "birthday bumps". Great, sounded like they were fucking him. Now to give you a feel for this apt..which was messy. It smelled like curry and feet! All 3 were barefoot.

To make a long story short, I had some cake and I told them to quit the shit.