I Need New Memories

Another poem that I just wrote. I want to preface this by saying that I am still in a reflection phase. This was a rough year and I learning to deal with it through poetry. This is not meant to be depressing particularly on Christmas, but not everyone can be in a festive mood during the holidays.

I need to make new memories
ones that include smiling
and actual happiness
memories that can be
talked about pain free
without judgement
ever look at someone else's life?
wish that you could have done
things like that or
could have thought about having
the time of your life
New memories the will include
things never done before with
people never seen before
in a place never been
Old memories can be held on to
like weights tied to ankles
at the bottom of an ocean
where the water is clear
and the coral reefs are in sight
a beautiful backdrop filled with
memories that swim around like fish
but get harder to look at
when the realization
of suffocation
takes hold
This beautiful surrounding cannot hide
that old memories can kill
the once strong and the newly weak
if they hold on too long
to the anchors of the past
New memories will help me
see clearly and understand
that life can be what is seen
in books and on film
or perhaps dreams
can come true if you wish
upon a star?
but how far
am I willing to go
or do I need 35 candles to blow
or do I need to go
to a place where there is no snow
or maybe
just maybe
I will be able to cut the ropes
before my ankles bleed
before the fish feed
before I begin to drown
before I go further down
in the ocean that is my own past
I need new memories to have some air to gasp

Merry Christmas everyone!