Poem #30: Masterpiece

Damn!
every time I see
your body
I want to
outline your
figure with a pencil
trace your curves
on paper
and paint your
features with
a very fine
paint brush

You make me
want to be
a painter
and capture you
forever on canvas
so when we
are both dead and gone
future generations
can see you
the way I see you
a picture of perfection
a masterpiece
that gets better
with age.

A beautiful woman
that transcends
all color and race
it would be
a priceless relic
that would
make the Mona Lisa
pale in comparison
to the work of
you are.

End of the Road

Before I write my last poem of the month, I wanted to talk about my personal growth during this month. I never imagined the places I would have gone when I set this challenge for myself. Going into this month, I had written a total of about 18 poems in my entire life. I am not counting unfinished poems either. So the idea of writing 30 was a little scary considering that those 18 poems were written when I was emotional.

I was very concerned on where I was not only going to get the material from, but where was I going to get the motivation. I am not that depressed person anymore and I certainly didn't want to walk down the street and write about poems about everything I see. So, I had to dig deep and find something that I was going to write about. I wrote the first 3 poems in one day. After that, it was process that went from barely making it because of work and almost falling into writer's block. Clearly, this blog suffered as a result. The next 10 poems after that were not all that difficult to write.

By the time I got to Poem #15: Number 42, I was scared. I barely squeaked that one out because I had no idea what to say. It just happened to be Jackie Robinson day and I decided to run with it. Interestingly enough, there was a thought that I was half way there and I was not going to even stop. So I had to spend most of my days looking for some sort of motivation. I thought about how I wanted to do a poem in Spanish. But in order to do that, I needed to write it first. I was still at Poem #12: Intensity when I came up with idea. I had not even wrote it yet, but I knew what it was going to be about. With the struggle of coming up with day to day poems I was also in the process of writing My Butterfly/Mi Mariposa which came out 6 poems later. Once that came out, It was all down hill from there. I actually hit my stride at Poem #21: Manipulator.

There was a point where I woke up one night and I realized that I dreamed about words. Is this what true poets do? I have heard that crazy mathematicians dream about numbers, but I am no where near that level of crazy. The words were flying in the air and I would pick them out like I was popping bubbles. It was crazy. When things like that occur, I know that I have to keep going.

There is another thing that I did not expect, please understand that I am a humble individual, the amount of people that I know and those that I do not know that have encouraged me through this process. It made getting to this point easier. Thanks to those that always encouraged me.

I am not sure how other poets do this. I have read poetry this month too, that I really liked. Some which made me think that I need to do better. I also know that not everyone agrees that poetry should be manufactured in such a way and to that point I will say this... I clearly have a lot of pent up energy and poetry within me. It took me 35 years to tap into something that I should have done when I was in college. I continue to have a story to tell and I will continue to do that.

What I find even funnier is that when I was doubting myself and my ability, I thought to myself that once I get to my last poem, I will take a break and not deal with poetry for awhile. However, the way I feel right now, I think I can write another 30 poems. I have ideas and imagery that continue to form in my head. I had to narrow down what tomorrow's poem is actually going to be. So I have tons of poems left that I cannot wait to share with the world.

Dear Arizona...

Dear Arizona,

What a wild ride it must be. To take a stand against immigration! Wow! I am sure that all the Republicans in your great state are celebrating this monumental victory. Think about how you have all the illegal Mexicans cowering in their sombreros (big Mexican hats).I am sure that our borders are now much safer from those brown aliens that do nothing but work the jobs you wont do and multiply! We certainly do not want The United States of America (land of the free) to be a melting pot of all cultures. After all, the American Dream is reserved for it citizens only (or at least the rich ones anyway).

Speaking of dreams, I am sure next January, when you have a day off for Martin Luther King Jr, you can think about all the Mexicans who get pulled over for just looking brown. Let's face it, this is what that holiday is for, to observe the idea of Civil Rights. Martin Luther King's dream was of little black and white children playing together in harmony. There was no mention of Latinos (or Mexicans...let's face it, it is all the same to you). Of course, it took you all so long to even recognize that holiday that perhaps the true significance is lost some where in the desert that is your state.

Nor should I mention that the true illegals are us. Of course, I wont count African Americans because they were brought here. In fact, I wont even count Latinos because...well most of us were either here first or forced to come. We cannot count Asians because who else was gonna build the Railroads? So I guess that leaves you. I know, it wasn't your fault that your ancestors raped and killed most of the original population here before this was considered the "land of the free." The Native (please note the word "native") Americans were just savages right? How dare they not use up all the land and natural resources! We could have blamed them for Global Warming (which you don't believe exist because it is always hot in Arizona)!

Well when you think about it, I guess it is only right to pull over every Mexican look-a-like since Arizona used to be a part of Mexico. Great Job Arizona! Let's make sure we stand proud because as you know, before this decade is up, Latinos will be the majority in America!

Sincerely,

Latinegro

Updates and Such

I know that I have been slacking on this blog. I have been drawn to poetry and my goal to finish what I start. However, during this time, life has been happening. I have not been able to really focus on one subject or another to formulate a good blog. So I think it would be best to summarize the things that have been happening in my life.

April is always a tough month at work. I consider it to be culmination of all the efforts from the semester happening at once. My life outside of work has been ok. I am on survival mode right now. I have been searching for a roommate for sometime now and the search has been disappointing to say the least. I equate that search to my faith in people. I realized that over the years I have trusted people and allow them in my life so that I can have people to talk to. As I have slowly come to shed those people, I have to realize that I am closer to solitude. The good new is that it looks like I have one guy moving in this week. I am crossing my fingers because I have already had one person flake on me in the last day.

Which brings me to the job search. What do I say without saying too much? This one position that I really wanted never panned out. I felt I had done everything I could to put myself in a good position to get this job. In the end, it was not enough. I took it hard because I am a determined individual who is looking to complete my goals. Of course just when I thought all my options were spent. I found another potential opportunity. I will take the lessons from my first failure and apply it to this. I am one to believe that we have to fail first in order to succeed.

I also have to smile because when I talked about my opinion on women, I had some people talk to me about whether I was right or wrong about this subject. What really makes what I wrote hit home for me is seeing first hand how manipulative some women can be. Witnessing the pieces of a puzzle come together. I shake my head at her. This is the type of women my father has always warned me about. I can now consider her the benchmark of ulterior motives. I can thank her for trusting people that much less, but I want to thank her for providing me fuel for poetry. Poem 21 is dedicated to you.

Speaking of poetry, my dad told me that he read the poem I wrote to honor him. I have no idea why I am so caught off guard about this. I know he reads my blog as a matter of fact he has a correction that he demanded I make! One I figure out where those corrections are to be made I will write a retraction (You know how parents are). Which brings me to my question. Are my poems really that good? I only ask this of myself because there are poems that I don't think that are that good. There are some I feel I could have done better. I work hard on all of them and they are always as long as they have to be. I do have my favorites. I never would have thought I would write a poem in Spanish.

I am about a month away from my trip to the Dominican Republic. This will be a much needed break for me. I have had a lot of ups and downs so far this year in every aspect of my life. I will give me a chance to look at this beautiful island while celebrating the start of my cousin's marriage. This will be my time to reflect on what I need to do in the second half of this year to get back to NYC.

Poem 18: Mi Mariposa (Spanish Version)

Mi mariposa hermosa
cómo deseo
para ver sus alas
Estoy enamorado
con su vuelo
usted vive adentro
de las flores
que crecen de
mi corazón
el ritmo de
sus alas empareje
el golpe de
mi corazón
Mi mariposa
usted es hermosa
de cada manera
su forma
su forma
quiero volar
con usted y compartir
el cielo hasta
que el sol fije
y comparta
claro de luna
hasta que su cansar
de las alas
mi mariposa hermosa
no hay nada que viene
cerca como la observacion
de sus alas
tal vez no soy capaz
de siempre
tiener la aqui
pero te amaré
por siempre

Check here for the English Version

My Opinion on Women

Been struggling with blog topics lately. I think much of that has to do with the fact that I am just writing poetry all the time. Every so often I will get an idea based on a conversation that I will have with someone I know. Of course she knows I am a fellow blogger so I am thinking that at some point she knows I will blog about this. Her questions to be was very vague: What is your opinion on Women?

Not really sure how else I could have answered this. I  like women. They are nice too look at. Some of my best friends are women. So I guess that means I have a pretty favorable opinion on them. However, I am not really sure that was the heart of her question. So I asked her to elaborate.

So then I get asked my feelings on women and relationships. Another broad and very vague topic. I can go in on this subject in numerous ways. However, I am not sure how to go about this. I want to say that women are essential to heterosexual relationships. I really didn't want to get into the whole theory that women are ruthless and have ulterior motives because, again I am not sure this is what she is really asking.

Recognizing that my answers were very short and not really going anywhere, she asks her real question: Women and Relationships, What do you think our issues are? She goes on to explain that she had a discussion with  her friends about men. One friend went on to say that men play too many games and the other said that a good man is hard to find because most of them are not worth shit. Before I could tell her that she needs better friends, she went on to say that she is just trying to get a male perspective. I did answer her, but I am not sure that I answered this in a way that I really wanted to.

I told her that different women look for different things. Some look for the perfect man while others looking to change the "bad boys". I left my explanation just like that knowing that I did not go into a further explanation. Most likely because I know I was going to write a blog post about it.

So breaking it down further, I want to mention the perfect man scenario. I love TV and Movies, but I think we are in an age where we put people on a pedestal. Based on what I have seen, some women will idolize male characters on in films or tv shows as the type of man they want to find. This is utterly unrealistic. I am not saying that there is no good man out there, but many times what television and film does not portray are the mistakes these "perfect men" make. This makes it hard for any many to live up to such expectations.

Then there are the women that love the bad boys! I do realize that for someone women, good guys are boring and want some excitement in men that are assholes. It is has been my experience that these types of women are look to change men like this. That perhaps if they love him the right way or teach him how to love it will be a match made in heaven. Unfortunately things don't work out as well as planned.

Before any of you think that I am blaming just women, just remember that I have said many times that most men are assholes. We make many many mistakes. But it really depends on the women to see us for what we are. All men want the same thing but not all men are willing to work for it. I resent the idea that all men are shit, because that is simply not true. I think it is more likely that certain women are attracted to certain type of man and that becomes a cycle of destruction. However, there are women who do find that right man and it is everything it can be.

Maybe the issues is expectations. Are they too high? I am not sure. Are they unrealistic? I think that is a better possibility.

Poem 11: That Man

Only a boy
can look up to
a man
and feel safety
in his presence
only a man
can admit
to a boy
that he is not perfect
and that all men
are not created equal
but encourage the sequel
to do better
than the original
it take that boy
to grow
and see that
this man had
always been right
about love
about life
and everything in between
do as I say
and not as I do
can only be described
as a father
being real to a son
so now I live
to make that boy
be everything
that man wanted
to be
and when I look
into the mirror
I see me
I see him
and I know
I will make it
because he did
and maybe when
I grow up
I can be 
that man

Writing Challenges

I continue to amaze myself. April is always been a busy month for me and I have been able to maintain my poems for the first 6 days. As I write this I have not even started the 7th yet. It is true what they say about never being too old to learn about yourself.  I considered myself a person that can only really do poetry when I was emotional. That has not been the case lately.

Right now the real challenge is managing my normal writing while continuing to do poetry. I want this challenge of course because this puts me to the test. I want to be able to extend myself with my writing to places I have never been. While there are people who get paid to write, it does not make them better or love it any more. I do this for the love of the art and want to hone the skill in case I ever do get paid for this ability.

I will tell you that for those who are not following me regularly, I think you might missing out on some things. I am very impressed with my poetry. I made that commitment to do the 30 Poems in 30 days because I need to really explore if i can in fact be the true literary artist I believe I can be. The first 3 poems came out very quickly and to be honest, I wrote them all in one night. This gave me time to think about Poem #4: My Love Affair. I could not think of any thing to write until I got home and thought about the one thing that I really want in my life right now, which is to return home.

After writing that, Poem 5: I Remember was more of a natural progression since I spent some of my best years in New York City. I just find it interesting constructing these verses based on pure effort and not emotional investment. When I get my emotions involved, I can write a poem in a matter of minutes and have not worry about syntax or rhyme. It just come out just the way I mean it to.

Right now, I am bouncing back between this blog entry and what is Poem #7: Why Men Lie. I am just thinking about all the lies I have told and the reasons. I am also thinking about the men I know and heard about that have done worse things than me. I very much believe there is a connection there and I am trying to explore that.

It seems that I have a very healthy addiction. Lately, I have need to keep my mind occupied with some thing other than my pursuit to leave Syracuse. The job search is not going as well as I would like. I am coming to some conclusions that I cannot express at this time. However, I will take steps to continue to improve the way I represent myself. I am not the type of person to give up and I have set goals that I need to make.

On a good note: tomorrow I completely pay for my trip to the Dominican Republic! I am quite excited!

Poem 1: Blacktino

Teasing Tan
or golden brown
am I talking about my skin
or how I like my maduros
it may be how I describe my mood though
I am black enough
to be black enough
to be called a nigger
to see myself on the news
like I pulled the trigger
yet too black for me
and too black for my identity
because Latino isn't a race
and brown isn't a color
I am too dark to be called either
unless you are hiring
then being Latino is welcome
because we are good
at picking tomatoes
cooking your potatoes
installing your plumbing
and that is just the Mexicans
they wont take offense
because I am too black for them
I am a student of life
that was raised Puerto Rican
called my grandma abuelita
and made fun of my father's pipa
I can give you a history of a people
from the Young Lords to Truillo
but I am too black to be Latino?
not according to the Census
because I exist
outside the lines of
black and white
you might as well call me gray
because gray goes with
white and black
can live on either side
can combine
can intertwine
and can be divine
fluid is this identity of mine
I don't lie about my afrocentricity
I don't hide my roots
but my people get the boot
because now we are too black
for Sammy Sosa
skin cream means skin hate
when did it become uncool
to have a Caribbean tan?
when did it become uncool
to eat a platano
but not look like one?
I am Blacktino
Afro Latino
Latinegro
I am all the best parts
of Africa, Latin America, and the Caribbean
I am the all encompassing
culture that is so
deep and dangerous
that blankkkitos make us invisible
unless we play soccer or baseball
I am black enough
to be black enough
to be called a nigger
but too black
to be called Latino.
Go Figure.