Monday, November 30, 2009

Unfinished Poems


These are some poems that I started and haven't seemed to finished. I consider them like an unfinished drawing. Maybe I will finish if the moment is right:

Fighting Poetry!

I keep fighting this poetry shit
not that I do not like poems
I just don't like to read them
then I remember how I am brainwashed
to believe that poetry is about
17th century Elizabethan rhetoric
with sonnets and soliloquies
or birds and swallows
but when i hear real poetry
from real poets
it is about real things like
who spits and who swallows
how many poems does one
needs to write in order to
get labeled a poet?
do my fingers require a
sense of numbness that only
a person obtains when holding
the instrument that contains
a poet's blood
or does the ink need to run
out of the pen
or maybe finger nail imprints
on the pen is a requirement


Stay Down...

How does one gain strength
when deep down there is defeat
knowing that at times
you may fight a losing battle
where the odds are a million to one
how do you beat a formidable foe?
one that is ever changing & ever shifting
cannot stay in one place
cannot stay still
cannot give you a chance
to gain a grip on reality
the ever moving foe fights dirty
goes for the kill every chance it gets
you can block and deflect every blow
but sooner or later the knock out
punch will land and defeat will be imminent
How does one fight back?


You

I know what you think
that this poem is about you
because everything I do
could only be about you
I hate to break the news
or maybe I should leave some clues
everything is not about you
this poem is about me
the only person that
means anything in my life
the only one that makes
the decisions and mistakes

Sunday, November 29, 2009

From A to B


Something I have been thinking about for the past few weeks is how differently women think from men. I have read several blogs and checked out several tweets about how men are complicated. I realize that I am man when I am saying this but, men are not that hard to figure out. Granted that I am not a typical guy, but men are pretty simple. It call comes down to how we think.

Men think in a straight line. It is a simple as that. We think linearly. Our main concern all day and everyday is getting from point A to point B. Nothing else matters. Now, if we have to get from A to C then we know how to get there. Now, maybe this does not make sense, but if I tell you, for example, that men think about one thing, what does that mean? Getting laid? Well...that is thinking linearly.

Women think completely different. They think more circularly. They think more about getting from A to Z while trying not get caught or stuck on any of the letters in between. Women will always think about things that men will never think about or consider until there is a need for it. The problem is that women get frustrated with us men because we don't think the same way or have the same thought process.

Clearly I am generalizing with this because not all men and women fall into the same cookie cutter labels that society places on us. However, there is a point to be made that both genders think differently, which is why women have intuition and men don't. With all this being said, I have come to notice that when I think about this, the only people this has no bearing on is homosexuals.

The thing is that although I can sit here and say that women think a certain way or have a thought process that is not like men does not mean I have an understanding of them. On the contrary, I am still learning about how women work. But, I do notice that women do think about everything. Most may lie and say they do not, but they do. Some men don't even think about what they are doing an hour from now, unless the game is coming on..then that is a different story all together.

It is the linear thinking that get many of us into trouble. We never think of the little things unless we have to or unless we are trained to. This is not to say men cannot change, because they can. We are not built to think a certain way, but we can adapt to suit the needs of a woman. Of course, the key to all this is the willingness to do such a thing. If a man does not want to step outside his own world, then he wont. Some men who do this expect women to conform to what their way of thinking is, which is so 1950's.

The way a man can adapt to a woman's thinking is to understand himself. All men have shortcomings that women take notice of. A man needs to recognize these things and fix them. More importantly, the number one thing a man needs to do is listen. This is like a universal rule, if you can listen to your woman...like actually listen to her...u will solve so many problems that it is not even funny.

A man's linear thinking puts him in a situation that he feels he is right most of the time. Which any person who has been in a real relationship will say that is so not true. A woman will do thinks that make no sense to men. She may say one thing and do another. She might get upset about what men perceive to be something so small. All that is because we think our logic makes sense because all we are doing is thinking in a straight line that never veers off its course. Meanwhile, as men are thinking in their straight line...women are running circles around them.

This is not to say that women are always right. They get caught up in their own thoughts, obsessions, assumptions, and insecurities that sometimes the path from A to Z stops somewhere near M. A woman who is stuck is usually that person who cant get over a situation where it is a job, a man, or family. Once she is stuck then it is hard for her to get to the next letter or the next step because something is holding her back. She can always pretend to get to the next letter, but once she realizes she is stuck it is hard to move on. Now, men get stuck too, but because we think differently we can put blinders on and stay on the same path.

I know that what I am writing is fully of analogies and hidden meanings, but life is full of that. There is no way that I expect everyone to agree with what I am saying, but I just think that when it comes down to it women but more thought into life then men do. That is why we cannot figure each other out. Let me know what you think...

Friday, November 27, 2009

We All Have Scars


I wanted to write about this yesterday, but with it being Thanksgiving, it would not have been a subject that is, in my mind, appropriate. I realize that one of the topics that I have dealt with on this blog has been fate. Another topic has been forgiveness and those who have the power to do it. Clearly, I have my views on the subject matter and I do not expect everyone to agree with me. One person who does not agree with me on subject of forgiveness has been my father.

We can have long discussions on this topic and will end up agreeing to disagree. As everyone knows I believe you need to forgive people (and yourself) in order to move on with anything in your life. To me, it is about the ability to let go of the past. A good friend of mine quoted me a poem, so will still this quote from her: Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense. I am one to truly believe that there are things that you need to just let go of.

While having this debate with my dad, he brought up something interesting that I had not really thought about (he tends to do that). When bad things happen to people weather it is physically or emotionally, these "things" tend to leave it's mark. We all have scars on our bodies and on our hearts. The thing about physical scars is that those heal after time, but yet you can still see them and will always be reminded of how you got them. Emotional scars tend to work the same way. While you may not see them, they will always be there and will never be forgetton...but they do heal.

My dad is not one to believe that time heals old wounds and I wonder if he thinks people can change (I will have to ask him). He told me that he has been burned more times than he cares to remember and will never put himself in a situation where we will be burned again. I will say that my father is a good guy who has constantly given people the benefit of the doubt. However, too many people have taken advantage of that and he has become less trusting of people in general. Of course, it is only worse when family is a part of that equation. So, forgiveness is pointless in many cases to him. If you had the nerve to burn him once (and is some cases twice), he will never allow you to do that again. He has been scarred and will never forget that.

I look at things a little differently. I have a few scars on my body. I know how I got all of them, most of which I got because I was being careless. While I remember them, they do not effect me; I just know that I was young and stupid. My physical scars do not prevent me for taking risks however, I am not trying to get anymore scars so I know to be careful with any activity. One thing that I can say about all my scars was that I allowed them to heal. I rarely picked at them because it would only make things worse when it comes to the healing process.

With that being said, my emotional scars are a lot to bear. I have scars from childhood through high school. Those scares have effected me and yet, has given me the strength to be what I am now. I also have scars for the careless things I have done to myself and other people. What I have found is the forgiveness has helped me heal those wounds. Forgiving someone does not mean you are giving them a pass to scar you again, it just stops us from picking at old wounds.

Let me inject a little fate here. Everything and everyone has a purpose in our lives. Getting scarred by others is a part of life. We learn from them. Sometimes the people who scar us are the most are the ones we love the most. Those scars make us the people we are and since we never know what the future holds, we never know if a scar we received in the past was meant to happen in order for us to be strong in the future. I think we all need to be hurt so that we know how to love. I am referring to the story of the perfect heart.

Ever time I read that story I think about how we all have to fail before we can succeed. None of us are prefect and we really should not expect perfection from anyone else. The number one answer has always been to cut off those people who hurt us but, does that really solve the problem or does the put a bad aid on the wound? There are people and situations that we need to face and things that need to resolved because in reality, emotional scars are very hard to heal without a resolution of some kind.

We all have those people that we will never speak to again. I have a couple of people who are on that list. It is hard to forgive people. I know that. But, holding on to things from the past makes it difficult to move on. We are not in control of the future. So once again, let go of the wheel...

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