Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Can We Be Friends or What?


I was just watching Billy Crystal on the Jay Leno show and it reminded me of this blog I wrote as a guest on Brookey's Cafe Blog. Enjoy!

"What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way. " - Harry Burns

Best part about When Harry Met Sally is the whole debate about on if men and women can be friends. I struggle with this topic because I can give a different answer depending on the day of week. But I will preface all of this by saying that I believe that depending on the situation, mean and women can be friends.

First, let me just say that I am very glad to be guest blogging again. I know that I have been MIA for awhile, but if you ended reading my blog you will kinda now that I have a lot on my mind. Thank you Brooke for having me here. So...

I will be real with you all, I have many female friends. If you go on my facebook you will see those are the people who respond the most to me (besides Rameer, who called me gay...but i got you son). Women are the ones who I tend to talk to the most about...well other women. So, I wont lie if I told you all right now that out of all the women I know. I would sleep with 98% if I had the chance.

This should not be alarming. The 2% that I wouldn't sleep with is because I view them like sisters. They are normally the ones I have either known for along time or more importantly, female students that I have mentored. Of course, the problem is being a guy. We look at all women who are not family as potentials. Nothing is wrong with that to me, but that is what we do.

I laugh because I was talking to my dad a few days ago and he told me that he noticed that I have alot of females talking to me. So I just shrug it off because I have always been more comfortable with women than I have with guys. Maybe it is because most of my family are women, so I know what they go through with men in general. Of course I try not to make those same mistakes, I find that I have to learn the hard way. So, my dad tells me, "I am sure one of those ladies wants to give you some". This is why you have to love my father.

The issues is not weather or not women want to sleep with a guy, the issue is: will it happen. Lets take my lovely friendship with Brooke for example. Her and I have become fast friends over the past year. We have called each other, discussed ideas and problems. But, I have told her that I had such a crush on her in college (and really? who didn't). Of course she is that 98% I am talking about, but will it really happen?

The one thing I have learned for sure is that sex changes everything. Good friends can become f*ck friends really quickly and then from there anything can happen. A relationship could start or a friendship could end. So the the real question becomes: Is having sex with a good friend worth the risk? Keep in mind, that if you are friends, you will know each other's bad habit and lies. So all that stuff that worked with the ex you could not get over, will not work with this person. Plus, let us not talk about what happens if someone catches feelings while the other person does not...

What about if you have had sex with your friend and have moved past it and remain friends. Then one or both get into a serious relationship with another person. Will there be a level of secrecy there? Would you tell your partner that you slept with your best friend? Sure it meant something at the time but now you supposedly moved past it. Now what? Right there is the key. What if the person's partner does not want to trust your best friend? I mean lets face it, men and women can be pretty bad if the sex was off the hook.

However, in most cases that I have seen, a true friendship can get past that. True friends just care about each other and the other person's well being. So, it is possible to be friends through thick and thin.

So, I am going to need some help here...can we be friends or what? I think we can, but of course if you in the 98% it might difficult...lol

1 comment:

Ray said...

well said! I like this blog a lot. We grew up in the same area, but under different circumstances and I tell you my friend, the growing pains you experience I seem to be experiencing as well. It is nice to see that I am not crazy and that my ponderings are at least reasonably similar to at least one other human being on this planet. That is helpful. I have had two 'friends' from my 98% turn into something more, and with one it works, but her new partner will never know. The other it ended the friendship. I think it is important to be 'real' friends before you wet the whistle. Only a true friendship can endure the complications of sex. Keep the blogs coming I'm reading!

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