"I am a guy...when do we ever get anything right the first time?" - Hitch
About a week ago, one of my friends on Facebook posted this on her status: "If I had to do it all over again, I would..." First, I was amazed she got 38 responses. It was an interesting topic that had people thinking about regrets in their lives. It made me think about if there is anything that I may regret in the 35 years of being on this planet. My response to this status was simple: Everything happens for a reason. I am not sure I would be the person I am now if I made different choices...
As you very well know, I am the first person to admit when I am wrong or when I have made a mistake. Life is full of mistakes and we should learn from each one, I am just not so sure we should go back and reflect on them for very long. Of course, I am not talking about a life altering mistake in which someone goes to jail. In those cases, people have nothing but time to reflect on the choices that have been made.
I think about all the things that have led me to where I am today. All those decisions, to either take advantage of an opportunity or bypass one, is at the heart of who I am. I do not reflect on what could have been for too long because that is just not healthy. I will also go on record to say that I have no regrets. However, that does not mean that I do not acknowledge any of my wrong doings from the past, it just means that I am learning from the mistakes that I have made in both love and life.
I have come to realize that if there is too much regret from the past then it will be hard to seek happiness in the future. I know that I tend to be hard on myself. I tend make myself pay for all mistakes. I think it is human nature to blame ourselves for things and it may also be that same nature to harp on the things that we wished could have been. The problem is being able to stop myself from overthinking the past, which I do tend to do. Sure, it is easy to just say "It is what it is" and move on, but we tend to stick to certain points in our lives that just stand out.
I realize that overthinking the past simply means that I may have not let go of everything yet. We try to hold on to ideals. We try hold on to the memories because in certain cases that is all that we have. The concept of letting go is deep on so many levels. I have gotten to the point in which, if I am dealing with something that has to with a past issue and I feel hurt or stressed by it, I take a step back and tell myself that I have not let this issue go. I let the idea of letting go become a barometer for how much I have or have not moved on from a particular issue.
I consider regret as another way of not letting go. So, that is why I can firmly say that if I had to live my life all over again, I wouldn't change a thing. I am who I am, mistakes and all. Could I have done better? Sure! Could I have been a better husband? Absolutely! Could I have been a better son? Yup! Could I have been a better friend? Of course! But, I cannot regret all of that. I really cant. Because I know that through each phase of my life, I have had things that I was constantly dealing with that have made me question myself.
Now, I get to start all over again. A true clean slate. I choose who is in my life. I choose what I want to do. I now have a reference in which I can look back to and say, "I wont do that." I know first hand consequences of bad decision making. This all comes back to what I have always said: things happen for a reason. In many cases, things happen so we can learn to be better people. Mistakes happen so we can learn to better ourselves.
I had a discussion with a friend about 2 weeks and I said to them: I have a new number 1 in my life...and that person is me.
4 comments:
You should always be number one in your life. I say that easily but I know it's tough. I am guilty of forgetting that often.
You're right that everything happens for a reason and added to that I feel that everything that you go through makes you stronger. There may be a time when you go through something and realize that had you not gone through previous losses and obstacles, you would not have been able to handle the bigger challenge.
So keep yourself at number 1 in your life and learn from everything.
You are so right. Still, I find letting go so incredibly difficult, despite the fact that it is unhealthy.
God bless you, brother. Be well on your journey.
“I consider regret as another way of not letting go”-Anthony Otero
I have always said; “Regret has got to be the worst of all feelings” Regret will consume you; weaken your soul, your mind and inevitably it will kill your spirit, your essence. There is a great deal of difference between repenting and regretting. Then again there is a very thin line between them.
Repenting, is nothing more than changing one's life for the better. Regretting is moral anguish arising from repentance for past misdeeds. Once repentance has taken place, you MUST, free yourself from the past.
I could not help myself and immediately thought about Common’s Be lyrics…
I want to be as free as the spirits of those who left
I'm talking Malcolm, Coltrane, my man Yusuf
Through death through conception
new breath and resurrection
Told inside is where the fight lay
and everything a nigga do may not be what he might say
But I write many lives and lay on these lines
Wave the signs of the times
many say the grind's on the mind
Demons and old friends, pops they hauntin' him
The chosen one from the land of the frozen sun
When drunk nights get remembered more than sober ones
Walk like warriors, we were never told to run
Explored the world to return to where my soul begun
Never looking back or too far in front of me
the present is a gift
and I just wanna BE
Your blog is pure and absolute therapy! I encourage you to keep up the good work. Keep raising above
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