Thursday, May 13, 2010
I have so many things in my head swirling around. I cannot seem to focus on one topic or another. I sat looking at my monitor last night wondering if a topic was going to come to mind. Sure I can talk about a few things here and there but that is what they are: a few things. I haven't had anything to really sustain a long post. Then I came up with a theory of what I might be going through. Perhaps I have writer's block.
I am not sure how possible that is considering that I can seem to write poetry whenever I want. But now, I feel that everything I can write can be in poetic form. Which seems cool at first, but I do not want to always write poetry. So, I am not sure how I am going to figure all this out. However, I am thinking that my trip to Santo Domingo may clear my head some.
Maybe I am stressing things too much. I wont lie and say that everything is rainbows and flowers because it is not. I realize that I am growing a bit tired of my current situation. What sucks about most of it is that I am trying to be a little bit private in what I am going through because it is a personal. Although that is kind of funny when you think about it, I have made this blog a very personal thing and now I feel I need to draw back a bit.
Interestingly enough, this has nothing to so with being sad or depressed. This has everything to do with my determination to move on. When I talked about that dream of me losing my passport, it made me realize that I have some anger here. Opportunities are not panning out like I want them to and people in general have just been shady as well. Truth be told, I feel like I have been getting my ass kicked by life for quite awhile now and I am tired of it. I am tired of waiting for my time and I feel I need to take it. The problems is...what do I have to grab on to?
The only thing I feel is going well for me is my writing and I plan on sticking with that. My anger with life becomes a stronger determination to get what I want and I will tell you all that I absolutely hate to lose. Of course, this is not a game and I am technically not competing with anyone, but I reminded of how many times Michael Jordan has failed before he succeeded.
Mi Tia told me that I amaze her with my resolve. She asked me how things were going the other day and I told her about how things are not working out well at the moment. I then tell her that this one opportunity was not meant to be and she just told me that if keep this positive attitude that something will come up.
I am also disappointed in my network. I think what makes things hard is that I don't want to ask for favors from people because I know that I will do my best to help people, but I am not sure if that goes the other way around. Now, with that said, I have gotten help from a few people and they know who they are. But, what amazes me is the simple fact that I have more people on twitter helping me than people I have known for a while. Still, this may be misplaced anger based on my own failures so I try not to stress that too much.
Despite all this, I am doubling my efforts. I have made Linkedin a priority to help me network further. I will make my goals, it is just an uphill battle.