Monday, May 3, 2010
I feel like I am going through changes. I am not really sure what is happening to me. Maybe because the summer is coming and the last few summers have been very difficult to deal with. While I am very excited about this summer, I am very leery of what is to come. I so realize that is my fear talking. I know I have stated before that I have lost much of my fear, I am also human. Things still effect me very much.
I feel this has been a year of revelations. I have found out so many shocking things about so many people in my life that has left me speechless at times. Some things have been good, like finding out about a person having a child or someone getting married. Others have been so bad that is has shaken my faith in people. It sucks because I really feel that I have thrived on being very social and I feel that I need to pull back.
What I have really noticed that is just very striking to me is that my sarcasm has risen to a whole other level. Do not get me wrong, my sarcasm is epic as it is. I can dole it out like nothing, however, I feel that I have really been laying it on thick. I need to figure out why. Am I annoyed at life? That is quite possible. I know how hard I am trying to improve my situation with little to no results. More importantly, I have been very sarcastic when it comes to other people and love.
I wrote on twitter today: "Why do people ask for advice on relationships? My track record is not great." I guess I give some pretty good advice. I am not shy with my opinions either. Men are dumb and they have no excuse to be. Which should give the indication that mostly women ask me about relationship advice. I guess the guys I know think are good in their situations. In the case of new or budding love, I feel myself being jaded in these situations. I have drawn back and thought to myself that I do not want to be that bitter old man that people point out in grocery stores.
Could I be envious? That is a possibility. I am really not trying to be. However, I am noticing that I am being more harsh in my reality checks with people. Usually when someone asks me for some sort of advice on love and life, I have tried to sugar coat it. That has not been the case lately. I have been very upfront with how I feel about any given situation, regardless if I am not comfortable telling them the truth. Surprisingly enough, the response has been positive although I get told that I am also being mean.
With all that being said. I really am hopeful that this summer will be a good one for me. There is no reason why it wouldn't be. I have plans to put certain things in order and it is my hope that things go through well. Perhaps I will start a list of things I want to get accomplished and cross them off as they get done.
Hopeful or not, I am taking great precautions this summer. I think I will have to have my guard up big time. The last 2 summers have been pretty bad in my opinion and I just simply need to beware.