Poem #1 Replace

I have replaced my pen
with a keyboard
my dell
with a mac
my heart
for a hole
my life
for a stagnant death
my choices
for a thing called fate

A season of change
and I am still the same
with the same issues
running in place on a treadmill
works on the physical
but not on the mental
my presence may be forsaken
but my poems can't be taken
the keyboard acts like
tiny little “easy buttons”
that act like
control rods
in a nuclear reactor
holding in every
fucking emotion
before I explode

I replace my emotions
with silence
because I simply
can longer release
the odor of that stagnant death
that surrounds my being
that gets held back
like a kid repeating the 4th grade
who never seems to learn
that if you put 2 & 2 together
you better get the same answer
although I often do
addition by subtraction
with my heart

whether it is a letter
or a phone call
saying that I am not good enough
my will is stronger
than any disappointment
than any rejection
because I will replace failure
with success
I will not be known as a have not
or a never will be
i will replace that death with life
that fate to choice
and my holed heart
with a whole heart