Monday, March 22, 2010
With the exception of my post last Friday, I have been on a self imposed hiatus. There was no particular reason for other than to just think about my life and how I react to certain situations. I realize that I am a very emotional person. Funny thing is when I say the word "emotional" it gives me images of someone crying and that is not what I am trying to convey. However, being a highly emotional does mean an array of things, but more importantly my lack of control of them is what gets me in trouble.
I think it maybe time for me to look into the different emotions that I do carry around. I know that I have not explored them in length and as a man, I think I should. My hope is that by exploring certain aspect of my moods and behavior and I can try to find some answer to why I cannot seem to control my emotions when I need to.
I have found various ways to deal with them such as writing poems or exercising. These are activities that stimulate my mind and body enough to let me let go of anything I may be feeling. Sometimes those are not enough. I find myself shutting down when it gets to be too much and thus the hiatus.
Before you start wondering what may have happened, just know that nothing major or life threatening has take place to me or anyone I know. However, I am sensitive to the actions of others. I am very much conscience of my place in this world and my place in the lives of those who I care about. But, I think my problem is that I care too much.
One of my issues is that I have not acquired the ability to stop caring. I think that is something that I am going to need to learn quickly now that I am single again. Why? Because women love men that don't give a shit (let's be honest about that). Of course, this begins the argument that I have had with many women in the past that if I stop caring that would make me an asshole. Well, who do you think gets all the attention in the dating game? Do I have it in me not to care anymore? I think I need to find that out.
My other issue is something old. I over-think everything still. I want to say that I am not as bad as I used to be but, I think I do over-think things way too much. It is my opinion that over-thinking becomes fuel for emotion. It is also hard when I wear that emotion on my sleeve as evidence of what happened two weeks ago.
Over the the course of the next few weeks or how ever long it takes me, I will explore some basic emotions and how I deal or not deal with them. I want to be able to see what it is I could be doing better. Some of the things come to mind: Love, Anger, Sadness, Fear, Indifference, and Hope.
It is my sincere hope to discover somethings about myself. With that said, I just want to mention how much I love twitter. As I am writing this, I asked a question to my followers: For those who know me: Do you think I have the ability to stop caring anymore(i.e. become an a**hole)? The general consensus I have gotten so far is that I do not have that ability...interesting.