Sunday, June 26, 2011

A Vague Silence

I found myself in a position in which I have not written much. Well, that is not true. I have written, just not on here. It seems that I have taken an unofficial break from public writing. I have been dealing with a few things that I cannot yet speak about. This isn't a life or death situation, but something that I just need to do.

So at this point I will just be my normal vague self. What I can say is that I have come to realize that perhaps I have been taking my life and myself too seriously. One thing I have noticed in my multiple trips to New York City is that I have not had genuine fun in quite sometime. I use the word genuine because I think we can have fun in just about anything we do. But the "genuine" I am referring to is about letting go and just being.

I have been feeling a change within me. I do not know if it is more of sense of self or just a newfound confidence. However, I do feel that things are starting to go my way and it is different feeling for me. Something that is foreign that I am not quite used to. So, I tread cautiously with some of things I do. This is not due to fear, but more of a looking before I cross the street type of caution.

Maybe it is the feeling that I am getting older and that I have a right to expect certain things from life. In any case, I have chosen to hold back certain things from people and from this blog. This is not due to fear, but more that I need to see how life plays out. I also feel like I am surveyor. I am looking at the world around me in such a different lens. Perhaps this is what is like to be another year older but my experiences in my profession as well as my life in general has given me a sense of confidence.

This type of confidence seems to be shaping my purpose more and more. I have become more spiritual as the days pass as I forge a relationship with God. I am not particularly religious and I doubt I ever will be. But as I see the universe and how it is shaping up events in my favor, I am starting to think that perhaps I need to really start giving more to the world than I am currently.

Again, I am being vague and that is my sole purpose right now. It is sort of like when a poem is written and it is up to the reader to decipher it. I find myself at another precipice that will help me figure out what I need to do. This time I feel more confident in my future. I feel that I have put so much work in that the outcome can only be positive.

My silence is only temporary.

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