Wednesday, May 27, 2009

There is No Manual For This

This is the blog entry I have been dreading to write. I have been thinking about what to say and I have planned out theses words for weeks. There is a very big reason why this blog has slipped over the this month and this is because my emotions and general feelings have been all over the place. This blog as been my constant since January. I have done a lot of writing to distract me from the problems that have been so glaringly obvious to me.

I am sitting here in Mount Vernon, at my aunts house, and I cannot believe how hard it is for me to write this. After almost 8 years of marriage, my wife and I splitting up. We made this mutual decision in March. This has been a hard road for us. I knew that this was something that was going to happen in December. Our marriage has been rocky for about 3 years.

There is no manual for a successful marriage. It is hard to gage all the things one needs to do in order to keep a lifetime commitment going. I will say that I blame myself for so many things. No one gets married just to get divorced. I would like to think I have done my best to make her as happy as I can, but ultimately I did not.

We will remain friends. Her and I, on many levels, get along great. Right now, we still reside in the same house, although not in the same room. Her and I will figure out all the little things we need to get us through this tough time.

This will come as a major surprise to many people who thought that her and I were the perfect couple. I think that we did a great job in getting along in public. I will say that I don't want people to think that I do not still love her because that is not the case. The issue of love is not the case here. I do love her. But, I think that we have both done so many things to each other that at some point we were done.

This will change how I write my blogs for the time being. I maybe a little darker than normal. What I will not do, is say anything bad about her. There is no reason for it. But, I think that writing has been so helpful to me when I need to get my feelings out. I think that my blog has slipped because this is what I wanted to write about and this has blocked out every other thought that I have had.

8 comments:

E.Payne said...

Bro., I'm so, SO sorry. How long are you in MV? I'm in the area.

Jeri said...

Sorry to hear that. I'm not going to pretend I know what you're feeling/going through. It sounds like you are dealing/handling this in the best way you know how and are being very adult about it. Know that everything does happen for a reason, the way it's supposed to- we just aren't always aware of the why. No need to apologize for dark writings to come. That's how I got threw alot of stuff. It's great therapy- and its free!

On another note- where in Mount Vernon? I grew up In Yonkers, across the street from the Mount Vernon West train station (i loved that station!)

Sneferu said...

Bredren, you both walked that good and strong walk . . .don't stop! As I mentioned somewhere else b4, though the dance may have stopped for the pair, there's always the gravity to be pulled into pairs! Keep true to how you feel and let yourself heal and remain progressive! you're right,there's no manual, but there's definitely divine order . . .progress in that path all else will fix itself. Keep up mi yute!

Latinegro said...

I am in Mount Vernon for the rest of the week. I feel like I am in a sanctuary! My aunt lives here and my father is here for the week as well. Right now he is cooking.

Not sure where exactly I am, but I know I am on Hutchinson Blvd, right off of Exit 12.

blkdiamond said...

I am definitely sad to read this, but I am firm believer that if things are meant to be they will work out. You both are amazing people and I hope that one day you will be reunited as one work towards a bright future as a couple yet again.
~Jamaican Whirlwind~

Brooke said...

I'm sorry to hear all this, but you both will be fine. It's good that you're still good friends, that'll help. If you need to talk....

hope to see you before you head back.

Efrain Ortiz Jr. said...

Sorry to hear about this...been with my wife 18 yrs this June and I couldn't even begin to think of anything else...stay strong.Keep up the blogging...it allows for a place to let it all out. Peace.

Desi said...

my thoughts are with you both as you heal and deal through this...i'm so sorry.

i'll be reading.

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