Assumptions

The last time I wrote a blog (sorry for the delay but the students came back last week), I talked about how a friend of mine said I overthink. Well, it turns out that my number 2 problem is that I make assumptions. It makes me smile because he is absolutely correct. I do make way too many assumptions about all the things that I overthink about. Of course, my dad would say to me, "You know what happens when you assume? You make an ASS out of U and ME."

I think that my assumptions are a bi-product of me overthinking. When I overthink, I tend to imagine the worst possible outcome. The reason for this is because I just don't think that life is all peaches and cream. I do not believe that everything has a happy ending because the world does not work that way. I have learned that not everyone has the best intention and not everyone can be trusted, so why should I assume that any situation I am in would come out good?

Now, with that being said. I do believe that in the end, everything will work itself out and not in the fate type of way. I do not believe in fate because things don't just happen, especially in relationships. Everyone has a choice in what happens to them. It is because of that, that I assume the worst because (again) not everyone has good intentions.

Then there is the fact that I can be so emotional that I think things are essentially about me when they really aren't. Assumptions can be particularly bad when it comes to this age of social media. It is very easy to think that a status message on Facebook, AIM, or Myspace can be about us. We project this because quite possibly we hope that we are being thought about even if it is not in a nice way. Not to mention the numerous amount of "tweets" that go around these days. It is very easy to get caught up in the hype.

The best assumptions are the ones that are completely baseless. I think about my family on this one. I will tell you all right now that my family is jacked up...on both sides. You have people not talking to each other because this person said that. There is animosity on so many levels that I am willing to bet all of it is based on assumptions. Miscommunication and overthinking breeds assumptions. We all assume that when a loved one doesn't call it is because they are not thinking about us, not realizing that this may be the furthest from the truth. In fact, I have had many discussions with family members about why I don't call them...meanwhile the phone works both ways.

Someone asked me why do I always assume the worst. The answer is very simple. When the worst happens, I am prepared for it. So, if the best case scenario were to occur it is a welcome surprise. Probably not the best way to think about things, but I make sure that I do not fool myself when the shit hits the fan. This type of thinking does me very well at work (of course). I am never caught off guard when it comes to a situation because I am generally prepared to handle many bad situations. Why not apply the same principle when it comes to love and life?

I know that I am talking mostly about bad assumptions and worst case scenarios, but do I really think about the best possible outcome in a given situation? Yes, I do. It tends to be a quick thought of what could be, but I never prepare for anything good to happen because I tend to roll with the good times. Besides, assuming the best of times can be just as bad as assuming the worst times. Alas, my issue.

So now what? Well, I was sitting in my bed the other night, just looking at the ceiling. The TV was on and at that time it seems to just look at me. During that moment, when it was just me and my thoughts (and my dog), I made a promise to myself that one day I will be happy again. With that said, I reflect back to my overhthinking and my assumptions and I ponder the advice of that good friend: "You just have to roll with things and go with the flow"

Overthinking Everything

I was talking to a good friend yesterday and he identified my number 1 problem. He told me that I over think everything. One thing about friends, the good ones who really know us , is that they can point out our faults without us getting hurt. I mean, this man is so on point. I do over think...everything! I am not even sure why I do this. (Disclaimer: I will probably over think this current subject, but this is my blog and I reserve the right)

Of course I overthink! That is why I have a blog so I can overthink any subject I please. I am not sure how I got through life without this blog. I find myself thinking so much about my issues as well as my job. The funny thing is, I don't over think my job. Many times I just do. No matter the situation, I get into a groove and never over think a problem. The solution always seems to be in hand.

In my personal life, not so much. It can get to a point where some of things that I over think about can shut me down and stop me from doing work. While I know this is natural, I consider this to be big problem of productivity. However, I am not sure I know of any blogger that do not over think things. It is what we do. We analyze our topic and write about it.

I would like to think that I get this trait from my father. He over thinks a lot. He does not know this but, as a teenager when he was dealing with his divorce, I used to watch him sit at the table and watch him think. I could see the wheels turning! I would also watch the times when he was alone in the backyard, after he vacuumed the pool. My father would sit on the deck, put his feet in the water and crack open a beer. He would sit there for hours...just thinking.

Maybe I did get this sense to really think before I take an important action. It is not like I am not impulsive because I certainly can be. What I have come to find is that I do not like to make rash decisions. I have witnessed many people make rash decisions based on very little fact and that is something I do not want to do. I have been called indecisive and I think that is probably true, but I would rather make the best decision as possible. Let me point out that not making a decision counts as making one (am I making sense?).

Am I overthinking the subject on overthinking? Of course! This blog has been my forum that allows me to do this. While my friend wasn't saying this to put me down, I wanted to remind him that the blog has been born from my ability to over think everything. It keeps me grounded, other wise I may just erupt with emotion without something to express myself.

How Much for a Broken Heart?

Last night I am doing laundry and I decided to turn the TV to HBO so I can watch my new favorite show, Hung. If you haven't seen this show, the premise is that main character, Ray is a man whore. He is pimped out by this lady and they have clientele. It is actually a pretty good show that has a lot of moments that make you go...OMG. If you do watch the show and did not see last night's episode, you might want to see it first before reading this.

Anyway, during his travels, Ray, falls for this woman named Jemma and he thinks she might be the one for him. Of course, every time he sees her, she pays him after the night is over. So, just when he takes her out for real, Ray tells Jemma that she does not have to pay anymore because this is real. So they go out and at the end of the night, he is thinking about how different the sex was and he might be falling in love again. He wakes up in the morning to find a wad of money on the pillow.

Which brings us to last nights episode. Jemma calls him and breaks it off. He finds this hard to believe and finds a way to show her that he is serious. He writes this letter and brings it to her. Ray tells her to read the letter because it is from his heart. She goes..."Fuck your heart". I think my jaw dropped just as much as his. I kinda felt his pain. He was just standing there asking how did she just change overnight.

Ray is devastated and gets drunk. His pimp, Tanya, visits him and tells him that Jemma did this on purpose. She wanted to break some one's heart in the same way her's had been broken. Not only did she want to break his heart she wanted to do it with no explanation and to top it off, do it to a man that was as caring as she was. She told Tonya that Ray made her happy too. In end...she paid Tanya 2 thousand dollars. Again, I am shocked. I automatically asked, How much is a broken heart worth?

Clearly this just a show, but this makes me think about all the things that have happened to me and the people around me. As I stated, everyone is going through something. When it comes down to it, we know when we break some one's heart. We all know how shitty it is. But as I said before, being vindictive is not the answer. I wrote a blog weeks ago about The Scourge, which is a man scorn. I never though about a woman scorn in the same aspect as man scorn.

See, when I think about a woman scorn I think about Waiting to Exhale. When Bernadine burns her husband's car with the clothes inside is the perfect image of a woman scorn. I would not have thought about a woman who could use another man and then shatter his heart. I would just normally assume that most women understand love, but as I have come to realize...I take too many things at face value. I forget that women can be ruthless and I need to be very careful who I trust.

Which brings me back to my question about the value of a broken heart. I am not so sure I would have taken that money (then again, I wouldn't be a man whore). The money seemed so dirty at that point. It made me realize about how people tend to think money can solve everything. I have seen women become so vindictive, in terms of a divorce, in which taking money from the man becomes much more important than mending the broken heart they have. In which case, does half a man's possessions become that value of that broken heart?

I very much believe that revenge and vindictiveness will very much make a person's heart turn to ice. It can take the person with the biggest heart and shrink it. So what is the value of a broken heart? I think that the value can never be determined. But I will say that breaking some one's heart may cost you your own heart.