Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Honesty is Horrifying...

Ever wake up in a mood and not know why you are in that mood? Every feel an emotion that you thought was one thing when it really is another? I think that is one of things that makes us human is the fact that we cannot even figure out what is really wrong with us emotionally. Sort of when you talking to someone and the next thing you know you are yelling at them. Chances are you have some anger hidden inside of you that has yet to be released.

For me, it is a strange feeling to wake up in a anxious type of mood. My conscience mind just cannot figure out why am feeling this way. It usually takes me all day to figure out why. Normally the answer is in the back of my mind and I am ignoring it. It just takes some sort of admission to myself of what it truly is. Either I am mad at someone and just do not want admit it or there is a situation that is coming up that I know I have to deal with, in which case, I do not want to admit it.

Honesty is something that seems to playing very big in mind lately. It has been a banner that have been flying lately and not everyone is ready for that. I am not saying that I am ready for it either, but I have no choice. Being honest begins with self. I feel that I have been lying to myself for so many years. Not just about my marriage but about my entire life. Is it possible that I have not been the person I think I am?

I cannot say for sure, but I have come to accept many things in my life. The only thing that I can hold on to is honesty. Holding on to a lie is like holding on to a small branch while sinking in quicksand. There is no way you can get out of it. As I mentioned before, people who lie to themselves are dangerous people. I was one of them. I became a danger to myself and to others that I care about. Why? Because I did not know how much my lies can hurt other people.

The best policy for me is to be aware of my own feelings and emotions. Sometimes that is hard to do. I am sure there are times people have no idea why they are mad or upset. We tend to call it stress and it is self inflicted. It does make me think about people I may run into and they are always in a bad mood. Who is to say that they themselves are not tortured due to past decisions.

All these thoughts have to with a movie I saw this weekend, The Invention of Lying. When I say that people are not prepared for honesty, is how I feel when it comes to me being prepared for this movie. Here is one of those films that is billed as a comedy and you will walk out feeling completely changed. This movie completely validates my point on how the truth will set any one of us free. You want to be honest for yourself.

The premise of The Invention of Lying is very simple: imagine a world where no one lies at all and then in that world is one guy who has the ability to lie. Sounds like a riot right? Think again. If you can imagine no filters on thoughts, people telling you exactly how they feel about you at any given moment. Can you imagine if someone you thought loved you really cannot stand you? That is almost horrifying.

What struck me the most about this movie is that pure honesty did not bother people. It is what it is and people moved on. There was no false hope. No wondering if someone loved you. People know exactly where they stood in life. This is just unfathomable to me. Where would I be life today if I knew where I stood in person's life? However, we, as humans, have to lie. We have to play the game because we love drama so much.

So my dilemma is that as honest as I can be to myself and others and no matter how direct I can be, people will always lie to themselves and to me. It is a part of life.

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