Thursday, June 3, 2010

Follow that Feeling...

Funny how much difference a year can make. Most of my posts last year had to do with the fact that many people around me were having issues with their relationships. I was stunned by the number of troubles people were having. It goes to show that we make we have problems but someone may have it worse. This year though, it seems like people are getting married, or engaged, or just getting together. I think it is great.

I think people need to just follow their hearts. I have talked about how hard it is for me make decisions that require me to think about head and heart, but in the end I know that it is best for me to do what feels right. I haven't always followed my heart because somewhere I thought that being logical is better. Logic plays no part in matter of the heart.

For the most part love makes no sense. We cannot help whom we fall in love with and we cannot make people fall in love with us. However, we can follow our hearts to the end. Right or wrong, there is very little regret in the end if you follow it truly. If it does not work out, your heart will heal and you can say that you tried something that felt right. If the attempt is not made...then there are lingering thoughts of "what if". However, if it does work out the rewards are endless.

Happiness is what I wish those who embark on a new relationship, marriage, or even a rekindling of an old flame. Fear is way too much apart of people's psyche. People use fear as a reason to not do something. I am guilty of this as well, but at some point we all must make a choice of letting go of the fear.

I saw a fearless couple in the Dominican Republic. They are ready for anything and it is awesome to me. Perhaps I am looking too deep into this, but sometimes we all need reminders that there are good things that an happen in life. We need to take things one day at a time. For me, I have been trying to push away the notion of love (despite my rash of poems on tumblr). I am not saying that it is working but I am sure many may have noticed that I really wasn't talking about as much as I normally do. Going to this wedding shattered all that.

So now, as I continue to struggle with my life, I will have these thoughts of what I need to do about my love life. I have chosen not to do much until this divorce is final. I believe that is not fair to me or to the other potential person to date with this over my head. Don't get me wrong, I have other reason why I am not really dating but, that is the main reason. I need to clear my head of many things...and let's be real here, having a woman in my life is just more drama and trouble for me.

Perhaps that is harsh and not fair, but I think I am right in my assessment. I know my dad will disagree and tell me that I need to run through some "hoodrats" (because he totally talks that way), but that is not me. I have tried the jumpoff thing and is not all that fulfilling to me. Plus, using women is something that I cannot get used to...even if they want to be used.

So right now I am going to follow what feels right and see where is take me. Hopefully it will help me sell this house (a blog for another time) and get a job in NYC.

Oh..and for those who follow your will always have a supporter in me.

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