Thursday, June 10, 2010

An Issue of Contentment.

As I go through this process of sorting out the messes in my life, I want people to understand a few things about me. I think that in someway I may come across as depressed or saddened or that I feel helpless. That is  not the case. I am just frustrated with obstacles in front of me. I consider my life to be this complex puzzle in which I cannot find the boarders to put the pieces all together.

I know I do not have a bad life. I have a job and a roof over my head. That is more than a lot of people can say these days. So my issues pale in comparison to someone else who may be dealing with a disease or have child that is suffering in any kind of way. I get that I have many things to be thankful for.

On that same token, I know that my actions have gotten me where I am. For better or worse, I am right where I am because of decisions that I have made. Everything happens for a reason and when I am meant to leave, then I will leave. I cannot force it as much as I want to. However, I can do everything in my power to give me a chance to do better things.

The issue for me is contentment. I was speaking to a friend and she made a remark about how her goal in life at this moment is to be content with herself and then suggested that it should be that way with me. This is an amazing point. I need to get to the point where I can be at the very least...content with my life and where it is. This is easier said that done when you set goals for yourself and those goals are not being met. However, I do know that many successful people have failed an enormous amount of times before they achieved greatness.

Failure is a part of life and I am not afraid of it...I am just frustrated about it because in the end, I hate to lose. I have decided that I am going to save every rejection letter I get from employers as fodder for my motivation. I am better than what I put on paper and I am certainly as good as anyone out in the field and I intent on proving that. It will be my journey to simply get better.

I am leaning toward finding roommates again. The simple truth is the the fiscal year for the schools up here starts in July. So do most of the leases. I can catch the rush of people looking for a room to live in between July and August. I realize that I cannot give up. My problems are something I can deal with I just need to not take them on all at once.

I am very fortunate that I am where I am. I just need to prove to myself that I can get  where I need to go.

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