Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Women are Ruthless

All women are basically in competition with each other for a handful of eligible men. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

It is amazing what people will say when they find out that I am getting a divorce. I know that many people really do not know what to say when they hear about it, but there are those who know exactly what to say. From what I can tell, those who are still married and have never been through a divorce (or never witnessed one with their parents) never know what to say. It is those who have been through a divorce of any kind that have the most to say.

A few weeks ago, I had a buddy of mine talk to me when he found out that I was getting a divorce. After making sure that I was ok, he begins to tell me how different women are from when we were single. Of course, I am thinking, "have I been married that long?" Seriously, did something happen that I don't know? How the hell are things different? He tells me this one line that I am not going to forget: Bitches are ruthless. Whoa.

He explains to me that women will do whatever is necessary to get what they want. His point is that I am good catch and women these days will sniff me out and "sink their claws in me." He had a general concern that I may not be ready for this. I have told him what I am telling everyone: I am not trying to date anyone. I need to do me. I need to make myself happy. He is response that I can use women to achieve this goal...again, whoa.

So, like I normally do when I encounter such information, I seek the advice of my female friends. Imagine my surprise when they agreed! There is something that I never really thought about and that is the fact that there is a man shortage. Women out number us, which give men the ability to have options. Women, particularly in my age group, that are looking for a good man will make sure they will do what they need to to achieve this goal. I found this to be very surprising.

See, I hated dating when I was in my 20's. In fact, I didn't do it much. Why? because women did not pay much attention to me. Now, maybe you can blame that on the fact that I was looking in the wrong direction when it came to women. However, it seemed to me that women in their 20's are looking for something I do not have. Most, times they seem to be looking for thugs, and I am far from that. Maybe times have changed, but I cannot say for sure. So the fact that women will try to get their claws into me is something I am not really ready to accept.

It was then explained to me that their are certain qualities that I posses. I am educated. I have a good career. I can take care of myself. After that, the two most important things: I am (or will be) single and I have no kids. Whoa. I find this all to be very interesting. I can understand what people are telling me, but all I can say it that I am still not dating anyone. You cannot "sink your claws" into something you cannot grab.

So, now I am in My Sanctuary, here in Florida. My parents have taken much time and effort into pulling just about every detail into what happened with my marriage. I told them just about everything. At the end, we talked about my future, and once again I was told that women can be ruthless! My dad pretty much told me that when a woman wants something she will do anything, including hurting her friends to get a man she wants. That is crazy! My step mother did not even disagree! In fact, she told me that women just do not care. Where are these women?? I am really trying to figure out who I know that is like that.

This information is something I clearly need to ponder. I mean I wont go into it too deeply, but it is something I need to be aware of. I wont lie, I have been under the impression that most women do not know what they want. However, with age this changes. I begin to wonder it is because of desperation or simply that the men they have dated in the past simply were not for them and they need a change of pace. I am not sure.

All I can say is that women confuse me and will always confuse me. I know I am not perfect. But, perhaps with the man shortage I was told about, it is difficult for a woman to make a choice on what to do.


~D~ said...

Muy interesante . . . I hope that when you (stop saying WHOA) are ready to start dating again, you find mature women who are not ruthless to date.

I also hope that while you are "doing you" that you find the peace you need in your life to prepare you for the next chapter.

Brooke said...

Ant, I don't know why you find this surprising. I've been saying for a VERY LONG TIME that there's a shortage of eligle men - and by eligible, I mean AVAILABLE on ALL levels. Men challenge me on that all the time and I have no idea why. It's a FACT. We outnumber you. FACT!!!

Even if ALL men were good catches, there STILL wouldn't be enough of you to go around. That's just the way it that being said, women will do what they need to get a man...ANY man.

I guess that might be part of the reason I don't have one. I'm not ruthless like that. I don't put up with bull-ish just to say I have a man. Even with the man shortage, I can't and won't settle. Can't do it.

Men DEFINITELY have more options, and they exercise them...much to the dismay of most women. Because men can date around and pick and choose, women tend to do things to stand out or make themselves more appealing so that the man will choose her IF he's looking to choose. But the fact is, most men don't want to choose ONE...and they won't. Which just makes the game that much more ruthless.

Morena's Bohio said...

I was saddened and disturbed by the many truths laced in your post. It takes one or apparently many to ruin it for the whole, doesn't it? While I can say with certainty that I am not one of those ruthless women, I have seen that of which you speak in action.

In short, "do you", take care of yourself and enjoy the sanctuary because once you get back into dating (if that is what you seek sometime in the future), it is going to be quite....ah....challenging.

Just keep in mind, that a woman is not more ruthless than a man, it just simply may appear that way because there are indeed more women walking the earth, thus seeing the frequency of ruthless behavior is double that of the male population therefore giving the impression that we are more ruthless. And as it surprised even you, we women have noticed it to...but again, I beg of you to ponder upon....are we thinking women are ruthless because they just simply are or are we thinking women are more ruthless because of what we've seen? Chances are we've SEEN a lot of ruthless women only because they're are a lot more women to see....which shouldn't equate to women being more ruthless than there male counterparts.....just food for thought....

Take care.


Simply Corina said...

Can someone please state where they found the statistic thst specifies that there are more men than women walking the Earth. The last time I checked there was more men than women with the ratio being 1 female to 1.02 or 1.2 males. In fact in certain countries like China and India women are greatly outnumbered. And I agree that women can be ruthless but men can be too. They will use all their moneu and power to attract the women they choose...even if she's 20 yrs younger!

Unknown said...

Why did you use my imagery? I create Ruthless Zine.


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