Friday, June 19, 2009

Letting Go of Everything = Self Redemption

"Hitting bottom isn't a weekend. It's not a seminar! Stop trying to control everything and just let go..." Tyler Durden (Fight Club)

Today is the first time in a very long time that I woke up feeling great. I have learned to let it all go. The last few weeks I have been so bogged down about my life and how things are going that I have completely lost my sense of self. I lost who I was. I lost the motivation that made me what I am. Let me take it back to yesterday...

I was feeling like total shit yesterday. I didn't sleep much at all. I was cranky and quite frankly, I was not feeling well. I decided to just go home and rest. I felt a migraine coming on. I get home and I nap for a few hours and I wake up feeling somewhat better. I left my laptop on, so I go to facebook. I scroll through all the notifications and I see one from am old friend of mine that just struck me: Letting go doesn't mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be. This hit me like a ton of bricks. I knew at some point I needed to let go, but my view of that was me giving up on myself and my dreams.

I found myself just thinking different thoughts, but as usual. I was like, whatever. I went to look up some quotes to put as my status and something told me to look up quotes about letting go. That is when I found this site. I read this site 3 times.

Reading the information made me realize something very important. Up until this point, I was not ready to move on. I was holding on the remnants of the past. The reason for this is because I have never been able to forgive myself for the past. I have constantly blamed myself for this divorce. I have asked myself numerous times, "How could I allow this to happen?" I was holding on to the pain and anger of what was. Instead, I need to be seeking self redemption and acceptance.

I need to forgive myself for the part I played in all this, so that I can let go. This way I can examine and evaluate everything while looking into the future. I need to accept what cannot be. I made some mistakes and I cannot continue to make myself pay for them. Letting go is all about me. It is almost like a leap of faith. The future holds so many possibilities and opportunities that I found that I am holding myself back. I need to evaluate the people in my life and only deal with those who are positive.

Everything happens for a reason. I don't say that in the sense that our fate is predetermined, because I don't believe that. But, I do believe that everyone serves a purpose in all of our lives and we need to figure out what that is. When one door shuts, other doors open, so when something unexpected (or something I don't want to happen) occurs, I need to do a better job in seeing the opportunity that may present itself.

I wont lie and say that I am already past everything. I will say that I am making that effort by recognizing that letting go can lead to personal freedom...and I need to be free. I need to be free to do what I want do, even if I am not sure what it is. What I need is face my uncertain future with a smile and know that I am ready for anything.

...and guess what folks? I am ready. I am not looking back anymore.

"It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything." - Tyler Durden


Serena W. said...

Anthony this blog is very powerful and true. Back in February I wrote a similar blog and will leave you with what I heard that morning at church. My pastor said, "Living in yesterday will ruin today and destroy your tomorrow!"

I hold that close to me. I was like you, holding on to the what could have, should have went down. How could I have made it better, what did I do? Beating myself up.

2007 was a huge year of loss for me between a bad break up and losing my sister. I'm finally restored, forgave and kept it moving. I had to and you will too.

You want to feel free like the last quote stated! Live your life, I know it's hard now...but your freedom is around the corner ;-)

Thanks for this blog reminding me that it feels good to be free and restored by letting go!


Hey there Anthony!

This is very deep.

We really do have to forgive ourselves and move on.

Yes, we will make some mistakes and we will be unable to repair the damage but we can move onward and realize that what we learned from it has strengthened our personhood and has crystallized our value system in a way that it needed to be.

Feel free to stop by my spot and check out the posts for the brothas that are listed in the sidebar. Your comments are welcome!

Peace, blessings and DUNAMIS!

Jeri said...

letting go is the easiest and hardest thing you will ever do- its changing your state of mind, which is extremely hard, but once you do that, the universe will show you so many thing that you never thought possible-

when i was going through my own version of hell, i discovered wayne dyer- hes written numerous books and has pbs specials on all the time- my favorite book of his is the power of intention (and inspiration, though its the same message, just phrased differently)- not sure if youre big on reading, but it helped me, so i thought id pass along the info

"if you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change" -wayne dyer


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